My female partner and I have been together for over 2 years and in that time she has been employed for one or two weeks. Some people leave you with more doubts after you interview with them and meet them in person than you had prior to doing so. wish him to die off hate to say. I think we are both too smart to be living DIRT POOR. 0. Things will work out. We where separated for 6 months and I lost my apt and was living with my son in my truck and my daughter with her friends. I think hes comfortable and if I question it, Im not being supportive or Im being a b***h. He knows Id like to have more in savings for emergencies or for my car that I havent been able to fully repair because its paycheck to paycheck for the bare necessities. Id love to go on and on, but lets just say Im jealous of women whose spouses are gainfully employed. Problem-Solve. I understand where u r coming from. only on computer like the guy for 9 years, now 4 more, while I work 3 jobs 4 years. Your stories seems different from the partners these women complained. ETA: PLEASE DONT POST THIS ANYWHERE ELSE THANK YOU. "I think that's really what's gotten me through.". Its been said, at length, that there is empathy and understanding for the person that is unemployed. This thread has been alive for 7 yearsand the excuses just keep coming in for why some people choose to live off of the work of others around them. My significant other (of 26 years) worked in the MSP industry, and was making pretty good money at the time, so we could still manage to support our high rent, and the two new cars that we had purchased over the last couple of years to commute to our jobs. Every day is different and I am so lost..What can I do to get the man I fell for back? I cant remember the last time we went out to dine together. I had a gorgeous husband and I had a well paid job. If he really gave one ounce of thought to the bills and rent and getting his shit together he would not have run through 7 jobs. We dont have any children together but I have three from a 10 year hell. We lived on an island, so he constantly needed to take trips to the city to finish various things like a background check, psychological evaluation, written exams, and interviews. He only recently started filling out applications again and he puts primary childcare provider to explain his employment gaps. I am 50, in good shape, have a great job, own my house. You have to go through the court system to have him legally evicted. Honestly, the thing about I realized about people is that most of them dont change, no matter what you do, unless they want to change. We can barely afford the cook together suggestion!
Should SAHM do ALL! the housework? - Netmums 2. I had no idea when we gor married that anythign like that was even possible, but I love my wife and stood by her, even as she tearfully admitted to herself and to me that she could never be a teacher. Please help! Fortunately, in the meantime, the couple can settle on the positive choices that can, at last, reinforce their relationship. We have 1 child together which deeply complicates things. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. do you honestly love him and see spending your life with him? And he is very forgetfully. He even started an ebay business thats doing so-so, but the fees are killing just about any profit he makes. Since then though, he hasnt been able to get anything. I havent read ALL of these (wow, there are a lot of people in similar circumstances to mine), but what I really want to know is HOW to break up with a partner that is so dependent on you. Ugh reading all of these comments makes me think of my current woes. My husband is older and worked in construction.. 20 yrs of jobs that dont last .. Everyone he works for is stupid and the job ends.. .. My grandmother passed away two months ago, and it was a really tough time for me, as it brought other family issues to light. Fake interviews, youre overweight, they didnt like youblah blah blah are you kidding me?? If I break up with him and kick him out, he literally has nowhere to go. Im on the verge of crying all day and when I tell him Im stressed, somehow he is more stressed because he has to listen to me complain when hes trying to find a decent job . We used to host our friends but cant anymore, we cant go away on weekends, we do nothing. finally my mother got me away from him and paid for a new place. All rights reserved. on top of it he says what have you done for us, he mentally torture me (by using abusive words about my family). I work a dump job, do all the cooking, pay all the bills, take care of son. While I am seemingly flourishing here, he is drowning in isolation, unemployment, debt, and depression, and clinging to me like a kid. I really needed this thread for the validation and comfort. I want that for him more than I want his financial help. I really love him and have tried all the methods of encouragement, helping with starting new ventures all which led to nothing or no success or income. So hubby got me to sign over my share in the house in Sweden and stop being employed by his company. i feel betrayed and cheated. Obviously nothing too extreme, but I dont even have that. I work 60 hours a week, still do the washing, the washing up and the housecleaning as he refuses to and keep the wolves from the door barely by juggling, dont holiday and really am a complete and utter idiot . He says hes trying to find something, its been over a year since hes had a job, all he does is watch porn, play video games, and watch videos on youtube. The analyses were based on 12,183 couples from the . Which is why you have to tell him what you want, without making him feel worse about not making any money right now. Whats even worse is that I dont know if Ill have the ability to start over with someone new. Besides the issue with children so the wife has to be stayed in the marriage, I thought a lot of us need determination and confidence to make the better decision for our life. He may mark down the things in mobile but still forget from time to time. Indeed, the partner searching for work can pursue all the suggested ventures for getting that next job; however, it can be quite sometime before the husband secures the job. He will not clean. I cook and clean and critiqued for all I do ,, my house is a construction zone with about 10 projects not completed,, theres some hope he may get done training but he doesnt get along well with the other animals .. Its 10 weeks and hell have to play nice , not fight or insult others.. Ive worked thru surgeries and injuries and raised a child ,, Im really done and want to be free if him ,, he says if he completes training and gets work we will split ,, how ironic ,, if he has an income it will be time for him to go ,, of course ! Been married 20+ years and he has worked for about 6 months out of all that time. "If you're going to be married and you're a woman, you just better be prepared to be the one that is the linchpin because, fair or not, most women that I know, that's the way it is," Tamara said. You are just as intuitive, empathetic and caring as she is. He had lunch with a guy he had an interview with in november. You have a son and he comes first. ), stupid behaviour with money and general irresponsibility. Their biological mother is an unemployed alcoholic, who is only occasionally involved (by her own choice) in caring and providing for them. My spouse has been unemployed for four years. Swipe right to someone else. He says he worked for 20yrs i can support him for a while. We all took turns washing dishes, doing laundry and yard work. I had become very clingy and dependent and had developed what I didnt know was called learned helplessness. She wanted to die since she doesnt fit or belong anywhere. Im at my wits end. Let him find out what it's like to do his own cooking and laundry to provide for his own needs. At one point he was starting a business and I went to his therapist with him (thank God hed agreed to see one.) Get a job.anything to bring in money & my stress will subside to a tolerable point. This dip s*** is running you like your his mommy come pick me up, I got fired again, the guys at the company looking out the window seeing numb nuts standing out on the street waiting for a ride form his girl, joke. I was fearful that I would get really ill again. And Im too tired of carrying us to help her feel better! News flash, he destroyed his own self esteem. Nagging creates more marital problems. Why all of comments are telling sad stories.are there any successful stories that the unemplyed finally gets a job and the love is strengthened?my boyfriend has been looking for a job since three years,thank god,i have a stable job,many of u with children and debtthat is much harder.wish all of you get through this tunnel. Life exists after this drama ends. There will never be statues made in our likenesses, nor will there ever be a Remembrance Day for the daily wars we fight but know this: you men will never take from us our most important resource the ability to get up one more fcling time than you knock us down. We have a small child (5m) and I care for him (we're both home due to COVID and work schedules). When I tell him Im started to resent him for all this he starts this crying crazy panicky, Im a piece of shit, Im afraid youre going to leave me, Ill try harder. Spiel that Ive heard a thousand times. But I have to spend long time in my work with little profit to cover all the bills. I am so sad . Lesson use meditation and mindfulness to value your partner and get back to some employment and love yourself for that small step. My mom insisted that he comes from a good family. My husband is a frugal guy, so he finds all kinds of ways for us to save money. Be patient; it's never easy to find a new job. So Im like bye. I earned alot of money so we eat out and she had a gym membership.We were always going places and Birthday and Christmas was lavish! But i tried to be strong, i have let it go and o have thought she was never mine but i could not forget her. I have to beg him to mow the lawn. They claim of course that other people are the problem but they seem to have these issues wherever they go and regardless of the situation. reading this really brings me down to know how much us breadwinners suffer but yet therapeutic especially when I laugh my azz off as read Sams first-liner. I know these are terrible thoughts, and I try my best not to let them out to her, but they are there. How fd up is that? I am beginning to see why. He agreed, but guess what, he had no where to stay and asked if he could just stay for a few weeks till he arranged something else. On top of it, he has become a mean, nasty, verbally abusive man. I dont think things are ever.going to change. In the mean time i feel in love with a girl and we were in relationship the girl dont have any hearing problem or something. I didnt fight him as I had felt so grateful to him for helping me regain my health and having looked after me so much. Not just for yourself, for your family as well. When he was laid off I said you need a job by October or we are in trouble. Now we are in trouble and he is yelling at me. My girlfriend and i have been together for 3 years now. We have a little baby, thank God for breast milk otherwise my poor child will be starving.He spend most of his time on the internet watching you tube videos.
Prolonged Unemployment Of Husband - Mental Help If I suddenly won the lottery would I be the good guy again? ( the partner of unemployed wife usually has less problem. Hes buying beer with YOUR hard-earned money and sitting on the damn couch all day? That's because spoiling your children doesn't teach them how the world works. Just this year, we had to give up on that too, since it was clear that she wasnt gettign any where with it and that she should give up. Dilemma: Retired husband won't do chores. I ended up taking care of them when they were unemployed. I gave him money to get his drivers license and he used it to gamble (in gas station slot machines). Seek marriage counseling if you are struggling with sharing household responsibilities. I earn too much to qualify for any other kind of help. My husband finally does not deny his depression (he will never admit it but he will be silent instead of being defensive). I also have to take care of our two dogs, clean, cook and do laundry. Get off the bloody couch and go lose weight, go take some confidence building training, look for companies seeking interns, volunteer, gain experience, but most importantly GO GET ANY PAYING JOB AVAILABLE IN THE MEAN TIME!!! 83% of women and 65% of men spent some time doing household chores daily. People can be out for a variety of reasons; illness, retirement, unemployment, a desire to start their own business, to become a stay at home parent/caregiver, to go back to school full time etc. She has taken a course but has put off taking her state exam over the last few months. Carolyn Hax readers give advice. I found out im pregnant last week. He does contribute SOME things, and he does love the kids. Also I just had our son and got pregnant a month after with our daughter he did some work for a girl on her car and they started talking and ended up goin to the movies and I found out and flipped and he just stopped doin his mechanic business.That was 2 years ago. A Woman Has Been Charged for Allegedly Taking Abortion Pills.
Coping When Your Spouse is Unemployed - Focus on the Family Ive told myself this for 2 years and I dont know if I can keep doing it anymore. I pay for everything even though i cant, i find ways! We pretty much fight all the time. It seems youre making it on your own anyway. You can skip to the end and leave a response. But fighting all the way i have completed my MCA with some good marks at the end and was trying to get a govt job though i know it very well for my past 48% marks in 10th and 12th i will never get a good job in private sector. It will not get better and who wants to wait and see anyway?? Feeling fed up, lonely and totally shattered both physically and mentally. I think about important question to ask yourself is: do I see myself with this person for the rest of my life? So I lost my dream. down. My husband has been unemployed for 4+ years. I love him so much. Same here you guys been fed up for a while, now just accepting that there is no future here and take it day by day. i have been supportive of my husband for the 3-4 years we been together. Life isnt fair? You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. The remaining time his place of employment really doesnt operate at full staff or at all (not sure which) and my roommate is technically unemployed during these periods. Everything from overqualified or skills not current. Yes, you can come to this blog to have a break but nothing can be changed in your environment. Now the x is willing to divorce but it leaves me in a predicament. Its very scary to make these decisions.. Its sometimes easier to just accept itand I suspect many of these lazy men are very unhappy with the women in their lives so they just stop caring about how all this affects their wives. I love her so much and want to keep supportign her emotionally, but after 6 years of supporting her and now supporting a family by myself, Im running on empty. I cant kick him out because he has no place to go but live in his van. I hope things got better for you. Others gained weight, lost sleep, and silently endured mental anguish. None of this was easy though and it took years to work throughbut trust me when I say to you all, it is worth it. Ive got to the stage where I feel im on the verge of collapsing under the strain if things dont change (which looks unlikely). LOL). Heres an idea, if you need to change something about yourselfGO CHANGE IT! We need to get in marriage counseling yesterday (which he has said before he doesnt want to do). I received an inheritance, rather large, from my grandfather, totally unexpected, about a month prior to hubbys vacation time. first live-in mistake from 2001 to 2010 only worked one year out of nine .was hooked on internet and internet games. Do you hold stay-at-home moms in the same dim regard as you hold your husband? For me, I am also broken.
Its very difficult to be the supporting partner when there is not support coming back. In a lot of cases, great people end up sidelined in favor of the average and mediocre ones who are able to manipulate their way into the job by giving all of the correct answers to interview questions. So, we got past that. Have confidence.". Bc he feels he cant plan until he has an income which I completely agree. Again, he goes off in text to this guy. This password will be used to sign into all, Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images, Three Ex-New Yorkers on Leaving For Somewhere Cheaper, Advice for Everyone Whos Confused About Money Right Now, How to Talk About Money in Your Relationship, How Can I Get My Unemployed Husband to Do More Chores?, 39 Pairs of Sneakers to Upgrade Your Wardrobe, Im On the Hunt for the Best Sunscreens Without a White Cast, I Inherited Millions From My Mother, and Everyone Knows, Are There Any Healthier Alternatives to Gel Manicures?, Rick Scott Is Unfortunately Kind of Right About Novak Djokovic, Rick Scott Is Unfortunately Right About Novak Djokovic. 1. I very much want to tell them the severity of the situation, but hes asked I dont. Im truly sorry youre going through this. I am allowing his frustration and anger to affect how I treat and feel about myself. Im tired and stressed and need soemthing more than just love. But I got myself out of the situation and now my son and I are good. Since we first pretty much start dating.. During the 3 years yes he had some free lance jobs or temp jobs but nothing that lasts more then months at a time.. Or even a year. There are things he does here at home in the warm months. He has friends he has other girl friends let him go home to mom or? Im not in a position financially to throw $250 away in counseling without him making effort at the other requirements. He can do his own laundry, sort his own food and pick up his own shit. I love him and he says he loves me but I realized and what most of people in my situation must realize is that if the situation hasnt changed in two years its not going to. Im not sure what Ill do if he is unable to. Im unsure if he has what it takes to be retrained but the relationship is over .. ill hope we can split under good circumstances . So she met this man, a former classmate at the university, and less than 6 months later they were married. AT this point it seems really nice to think of only worrying about myself and letting him figure his own situation out. I want to be living and supportive but I canT help but feel resentful having to get up early, work a 40hr week and then hand it all over for bills knowing our debt is mounting because I cant cover all the rent while hes doing God knows what all day. I felt so alone and Im not the most sociable person on the planet anyway. Then he expects sex every day and I dont have the energy for it. If you have not try everything, you may keep trying. My husband was on disability 2 years ago for back issues. About 4 years ago she tried to enter another field which required money for school. The only thing holding me back is my daughter and his relationship and WTF WOULD HE GO?! Without first finding Another. You're not his maid, you're supposed to be his partner. Thank you for your comment. He sometimes mentions trying to pass the time during the day, and I just think to myself: DUST SOMETHING. Same as your situation, we moved to a totally new city (and country) because of my family situation and my husband hasnt landed on a permanent job for quite a long time and that got him depressed even he didnt admit it at all. My boyfriend has never been able to keep a job. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. Get a clue. I need to separate myself from my sisters situation. If they were to jump at that opportunity now, theyd likely have to take time off for a funeral relatively soon and that wouldnt look too good. In addition to looking for work, he has spent much of his free time taking online courses and exercising, which is great. I am so sorry the house is not to your liking, perhaps if we were two working men we could have a warmer house? Also, a couples work schedule sometimes plays a big role in determining household tasks based on their values. Townhall.com is the leading source for conservative news and political commentary and analysis. . That evening, I lost it and yelled, What do you even do all day?. Its so hard because I love him so much :( every day he looks at my bank account and pressures me about money. And YOUR life is very precious!!!! Heres another thing that gets me: Keep a sound point of view. Answer (1 of 19): Not all but most if she is not working It would be unfair for you to arrive home after she was home all day and says you need to do the dishes, or laundry. And then has the nerve to act outraged, as if the layoff was unfair. It has been 11 years and it still hurts every day. After 9 months of his employment we could not afford our mortgage so we sold our house in city and moved to a regional suburb . Consider mowing the lawn yourself. I tried to get a full-time job, but was turned down because I had been working part-time for too long. I still go out once in awhile, but I mostly just work. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. Or doing whatever chores you want done. All too often, those unspoken agreement falls along depressingly gendered lines: You might be a full-time worker just like your husband, but that doesnt matter. He chose to just run around to his various sporting pursuits, do the odd course and turn our two children into his personal performance sporting stars. I truly feel for all of you that are dealing with a spouse/SO who just isnt trying and doesnt seem to care. Despite how it can feel at times, you and your family are incredibly strong to have survived a year and a half in the stress of unemployment. Im hoping your situation is moving along sanely ,, Ive got a long term underemployed /unemployed husband ,, total 20 years dealing with it but the last 16 have been awful ,, neither of us are happy and extra money is not avail ,, we share a car too ,, I work and he struggles, complains about the world and me. Weve cut our expenses to the bone (no cable, no eating out, no-contract phones) and we still come up short. Sorry to say that, there is no magic will be happened in real life. When I thought about how I want kids and would like to stay at home with them for a while, I came to realize I cant do this with him. I feel like I am taking care of a 16 year old. All he needs is a foot in the door. He has been abuse in the past and has a drink/drug problem. Its only been a few months since my husband has lost his job, but Im already feeling helpless being the bread winner. Its way more than I thought Id be getting into when we got married. Then he says he wants friendshes 57 years old. Go figure. In some cases the opportunity is legit, but comes along at an inopportune time such as when someone has a relative who is dying, has died or is seconds/minutes away from death.