Visiting in person and/or attending one or more of the traditions and rituals the visitation, wake, or shiva, the funeral or memorial service, and the burial or final resting service can be appropriate and will be appreciated by the mourning family. The soul is neither born, nor does it ever die; nor having once existed, does it ever cease to exist. However, the following brief and simple condolences will let the grieving family know you care: We are sober, we are really sad about his sudden departure, May the Creator accept our prayers on his behalf. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. Pinterest. There is no need to cover the head. Although Hindus take solace in their belief in reincarnation and liberation, they still experience grief. Today we offer a wide range of books, online resources, training programs for all ages and topics, a weekly podcast and a selection of greeting cards and paper products. It is best to make the enquiries on the day of death, and remain close to the bereaved and assisting them.If this is not possible, one can visit the house on even days except monday, tuesday and friday., even the monday is an even day thanjavur dist. However, they include prayers, rice balls and flowers are arranged around the body, a lamp is kept near the bodys head, food is offered, and water is sprinkled over the body. What is The Difference of All Soul's & All Saint's Day? | Blog Memorial Day for Divorced Parents. Here is a list of dos and donts, International Film Festival of Kerala 2017 | Kerala Film festival | IFFK Awards | Onmanorama, International Film Festival Of India 2017 | Goa Film festival | IFFI Awards | Onmanorama, Why rolling your eyes at feminists isnt helping anyone, Transcendence of Death in the Harry Potter Series, Migrant workers send home 4 per cent of Kerala's GDP, Radhika Thilak, that gentle sweetness, is gone much before her time, Dont disturb, Supt. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. Often, the best thing one can do is to listen patiently without interrupting. Good and bad manners do exist about visiting the bereaved, albeit with some variation between cultures. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: So, the actual funeral takes place at the deceaseds home, although actual events can be considered a wake according to western standards because of its short span. It would surely be a meaningful and caring gesture. Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief - India Today We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service Funeral Mass (Requiem) is performed in a Catholic church by a priest. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. Dr. Vasudha Narayanan, Professor of Religion at the University of Florida and. 1. I will be attending the funeral of a Hindu colleague. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. If a family member has persistent trouble sleeping, help must be summoned. Food will be served following the ceremony. Take a look. Malayala Manorama apps - carry the world with you. Any information you provide to Cake, and all communications between you and Cake, The family also . It is important to avoid language bloopers like hearty condolences, a common error in this part of the world. Usually, Hindu families arrange the funeral ceremony within 24 hours after death. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and Please, search or browse our comprehensive online etiquette articles. The closer your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died, the sooner you'll want to reach out. Are you afraid of Sivasankar, court asks Customs; allows five-day custody, Chennai roads inundated as cyclone Nivar triggers intermittent rain, These Kashmiri families are eager to vote in Kerala local body polls, Wanted! As there is no room for error, it is better to go prepared than be caught by surprise not knowing how to respond in such situations. Blaming the family for not choosing another hospital or doctor is a common and futile exercise that occurs at bereaved homes. Distant relatives and more casual friends and acquaintances may prefer visiting the family at the funeral home. That said, its the intent alongside the words that mean the most to nearly anyone. The nominations for the 93rd Academy Awards will be announced on March 15. Can you tell me what exactly happened? A photograph of the. In either case, develop a list of questions that your friend will need to answer. Such dramatic statements serve no useful purpose to anybody except perhaps the perpetrator. LinkedIn. If you decide you want to do it, then write your talk from your heart. Duplicate and frame favorite photo (s) of your loved one for family gifts. After this cremation ceremony, a reception at the familys place may happen. In the United States, cremation needs to be performed only by a licensed crematory. . In Gujarati families, there is a belief that the departed soul rests on the rooftop of the house observing everything for the next 13 days. The Hindu mourning period (sutak) typically lasts ten to thirteen days and includes various rituals, such as prayers and preparing certain foods, depending on the particular Hindu tradition of the family. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. Usage of any form or other service on our website is The funeral directors will take the body for bathing, dressing and anointing with the permission and in the presence of chosen friends and relatives before the funeral rites take place. Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. Some Indian-Americans journey all the way back to India to immerse the ashes in the Ganges or visit many pilgrimage sites to seek blessings for the departed soul and solace for their own pain. 4. If you didn't know him, you could mention something special you've heard about him. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. (2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. The family primarily staying in the family home during this time. In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. Hare Krishna. Brief words like I am sorry for your loss or You are in our thoughts and prayers are both meaningful and comforting. He would tell you that mourning only keeps you from fulfilling your role as head of this family. Your sister was an honorable woman who sacrificed much for her family. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. The best thing is to work things through at your own pace. When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. Although their intent might be good, it doesnt always work that way. Harper San Francisco. If You're More Casually Acquainted With The Person Who Died Or The Bereaved eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. Offering Condolences: The Right Things to Say at a Funeral When someone has lived a happy, full life, there may be increased celebrations and dancing. Whether you are going to a Hindu funeral or just want to send condolences to an acquaintance, we've provided 15 thoughtful examples as a place to start. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. Making a phone call or a visit can mean a lot during such times. For instance, the death of a teenager is perceived differently from that of a 90-year-old. As hard as it can be to believe, some overly curious visitors have the tendency to interrogate the family about the cause of death. May God guide your sons soul to attain the right path. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. Similarly, theres no understanding of heaven or hell, but there is the desire to achieve Nirvana. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). Friends and family visit the bereaved during the period of mourning which in Hindu traditions lasts for around 13 days. During this period, the close relatives of the deceased person abstain from celebrations and . May she rest in peace. Atma is beyond space and time. Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. The important thing is that you have received comfort from the many who have helped you. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. Household items like decorative rugs, afghans and blankets make appropriate gifts to honor the memory of the loved one. Such decisions are often based upon the circumstances of the family and the level of their commitment to the traditions of Hinduism. Your mother had a happy death. 4. Hinduism: Periods of Mourning | eCondolence.com Also, there may be a Hindu funeral ceremony called shraddha that usually takes place after 10 days from the death. Hindu - A gift of fruit for the family is the appropriate gift. Kalyana saavu is roughly translated as happy death, and you would use this phrasing to honor someones life and legacy. Is 'Leela' an appropriate tamil brahmin name for a baby girl ? to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. However, mourners should check with the family or the funeral director to find out what's appropriate for the funeral they are attending. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of. Hinduism, like other great religions, has specific rituals for honoring the deceased and addressing a family's grief. And unlike a phone call or a personal visit, e-mail doesn't require an immediate response from the recipient. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? Sharma, A. Specific rituals depend on the patients affiliation to a particular Hindu tradition. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. However, you may send or bring flowers ahead of time. Perhaps your friends child died as a teenager and didnt have a chance to go to university or get married for many reasons. A notice would either state the hour and location of the service, which would mean that it would be appropriate for you to attend if you wished, or it would indicate if the service is private. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. In such situations too, it is helpful to remember that no hospital would knowingly do anything that could harm the patient. Women need to dress conservatively with knees and arms covered. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Weather conditions, circumstances and setting of the funeral, and religious and cultural traditions may affect the choices for clothing made. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. For information about opting out, click here. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. Bereavement Questions and Answers Emily Post It is better to dress conservatively. Likewise, the person who passes an ugly remark at a solemn family function might not even realise what he said or did was hurtful. At Hindu funerals, mourners should not wear anything black. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. You can quickly highlight a friends accomplishments without getting too wordy while acknowledging their belief systemsas a general way of living. Moments with the family will usually be driven by the number of people waiting to offer their condolences. This reincarnation belief provides the base for Hindu funeral rites. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. While it can be difficult to know just what to say to someone who has experienced a death, many people who have experienced a death appreciate being contacted. Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. She lived her life to its fullest, so we should celebrate her life to honor her legacy. 8. If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. We often hear people say things like Dont be sad, Dont cry, It is all for good, I know how you feel, He is in a better place now in an attempt to provide comfort. Your are already subscribed for Malayala Manorama News Letter/Alert. (Bhagavad Gita, 2.23-24). May God bring speed to your childs soul. It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. It could even work over various social media platforms or a sympathy card. Think of some light, special stories about your friend. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. Everything will be fine is another pass phrase where both the speaker and listener know its a lie. Simple condolences are universally acceptable. With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. Are you sure you want to Unsubscribe from Malayala Manorama News letter/ Alert. It's appropriate to visit the family at their home after their period of mourning, which typically lasts 10 days. We believe reflecting on our mortality can help us lead more meaningful lives. She'll let you know, when you ask, whether or not she wants to see you and or needs anything. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. Certain rituals occur in the final moments, including: What should health and care professionals bear in mind? What to Write in a Sympathy Card for a Hindu | Cake Blog The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online Traditionally, Hindus like to have the ashes spread on the Ganges Rivers waters in India. Alternatively, consider upgrading your account to enjoy an ad-free experience along with numerous other benefits. Funerals are emotionally complex, and knowing how to act can present a Its a difficult time, emotions are raw and theres a lot to organize. Someones positive familial and community impact is enough of a statement to their character in and of itself. After that, the body has to be cremated. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. This link will open in a new window. Memorial Day, considered the unofficial start of summer, is the last Monday in May. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. Support the family with thoughtful and appropriate Hindu sympathy meals, baskets and memorials. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. It is also appropriate inHindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. The dos as well as the donts are important. I am sorry for your loss. Hare Krishna. His commitment to creating a better world was apparent in every project he started. Hindu Funeral Traditions | A Good Goodbye The flowers are placed at the feet of the deceased. Hindus generally prefer cremation over burial and the funeral usually takes place as soon as possible after death. It may not display this or other websites correctly. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. In order to settle the estate, all outstanding bills and dues that the How To Express Sympathy: What To Say And What Weve compiled a list of things to sayand things to avoid sayingwhen A Quick Overview Of Proper Funeral Etiquette. Where are we meeting for lunch today?, How was the movie last night?, Whats the score? are typical blunders that happen, which impart an uncaring celebratory tone to the visit. Surinder taught his children to live with intent and to be good ancestors. And while most of the information provided above mixes trust with credible sources, theres such variety to the Hindu culture and faith systems that what works in one scenario may not work in another. Thats why cremation is preferred. Remember, the subject of your eulogy is the person's best qualities, not your feelings. The soul, however, must continue with its journey. It's best to stick with their request at such a sensitive time. Various worldwide locations connote different customs and norms. Rather than quoting the Bhagavad Gita directly, you can also take its essence and interpret that into something meaningful. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. Serve his or her favorite foods. And if you plan on visiting themyou'll spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. After you hear about someones death, it is pretty customary to visit the deceased family at their place immediately for offering your sympathy. Finding the proper way to express condolences can be difficult. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. Make a list of all the ways your loved one enriched . Whilst it is favourable to do this within 24 hours, it is widely accepted amongst the Hindu community that the administrative process will take longer in the UK. JavaScript is disabled. Your sister was a beautiful person. Divorced parents should include it in their holiday visitation schedule, especially if they get the day off of work or their child gets the day off of school.. Keep in mind that this can be a particularly important holiday for military families because it honors individuals . Those can include: During these thirteen days, the family and friends of the deceased are given the freedom to express their grief rather than keep it bottled up inside. In Hindu death rituals, no recording devices are allowed, and the reading source is Mantra. Twitter. After the mourning period, it is appropriate to visit the deceaseds family at their place. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. Everyone in this community respected your father. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. https://www.learnreligions.com/healing-words-for-tragic-times-1770148. The Emily Post Institute Inc. is a fifth generation family business that has been promoting etiquette based on consideration, respect and honesty since Emily Post wrote her first book ETIQUETTE in 1922. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. Funeralflowerssingapore.com always satisfies increasing requirements of customers. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. It is eternal, all-pervading, changeless, immovable, and primeval. Appropriate Sympathy Gifts and Condolences in Different Religions A Hindu priest will be invited to visit and to purify the house with incense, prayers and mantra. So, they can view the body when they enter the house and offers some brief words of condolence to the bereaved family. She was neatly dressed and even had her hair put up. are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. Ask the person who will be officiating at the service for any tips on preparing and delivering a eulogy. For a parent, sons and daughters are equally precious. After all, some of the wisest people can almost convey a book in a matter of a sentence. Though etiquette is slowly changing, custom has usually dictated that those attending a visitation or funeral should wear semi-formal clothing. After a person succumbs to illnesses such as cancer, some visitors make public assertions about magical cures that have no scientific validity, claiming that the person could have been alive through such means. Sacrifice is not uncommon for Hindus, even if internalized. Sleep is a basic bodily need, and lack of it can take a person down in no time. Close friends who are invited to attend will receive a personal invitation to the event. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. Since this is such a personal request it should be made, if at all possible, either in person or with a phone call. Facebook. Explain that you don't feel you can do it, and be honest as to why. subject to our Terms of Use. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. I understand that not only did your friend mean a great deal to you, but also that Keyur was well-loved by his family and community. This link will open in a new window. You are using an out of date browser. This link will open in a new window. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. You could offer to be helpful to her, perhaps by helping her with her workload the day of the funeral or memorial service. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. Then go with your intuition. I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. Shinto - The tradition is to give used money to the family in an envelope decorated in black and silver. Thank the family for offering the honor to you. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. This may include feelings of shock, sadness, and even guilt. Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. Seeing other friends and family members at the service may prompt conversations and shared stories about the deceased, lengthening the time of the visit. You can also include a poem, passage or anything else you feel reflects your friend's life. Would she like to have a reception for some or all of the attendees of the memorial service? Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. Cremation rituals may vary in different places. After someone dies, their body should be treated with respect. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Every live session is customized for the client and built from our extensive menu of training topics. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. Decide upon the best way to get the word out to friends and relatives about the service. The length of the mourning period in Korea is largely dependent on the individual and is traditionally for 100 days. The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page. And then it is appropriate to briefly visit the bereaved family at home at the end of the day. There is a process of letting the deceased go and telling them goodbye with prayers and songs. Those who are emotionally close to the bereaved person may quietly ask How are you and give them a chance to express their feelings. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as speed is the best and appropriate choice. 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After bereavement, a person goes through denial, anger, bargaining, depressionand finally acceptancethese stages take time. We depend on advertising to keep our content free for you. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. For some cultures, a soft hug is appropriate, while for others a gentle squeeze of the hand will do. Please consider whitelisting us in your ad blocker so that we can continue to provide the content you have come here to enjoy. It's up to you. "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" Everyone has to wear white, including the family members and guests. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level.